It’s an orange purse…

Healing happens in so many different ways. Sometimes it comes with a lot of force and a huge crack! Other times, you look back on life’s path to realize that you’re not carrying that stuff anymore and that spot no longer hurts.

This one was born out of frustration. My purse kept toppling over in my car at the most inopportune times. (I still can’t find my crystal nail file!) I bounded into the house and announced that I was going to Kohl’s to get a purse that I could close on top. “Why don’t you wait and we’ll find something for you this weekend?” Favorite Husband said. FH and I have a great time with whatever we do, so I waited.

We stopped at the outlet mall in Castle Rock and headed to a store. FH had a color in mind and I like loud colored purses so we started looking. The wonderful saleswoman took us to an orange purse with a zip top. I loved it. FH loved it. It had a matching wallet and the fact it was on sale – endeared it to us more! I left the store with a beautifully wrapped treasure – feeling all warm and loved.

On the drive home, I kept thanking him for being so generous and loving. He said, “It’s about time you were spoiled to make up for the 40 years you weren’t.”

And with that – the pain was gone.

But here’s the background to this. So, now’s the time to jump ship if you knew my parents.
Both my parents were very broken people from very dysfunctional backgrounds. But Dad was an absolute mess – extremely self-centered.

Mom wore dentures and she broke her bottom set when I was probably 5 or 6. Dad never replaced them until I was in my late 20s. During that time, Dad always bought a new car every 5 years.

My first day of high school, I remember Dad saying, “If you get yourself into something, you have to get yourself out. I will not help you.” When I got myself into a bit of a mess as every teenager does – he didn’t help me.

But Dad would help others that weren’t in our family. He’d buy gifts for others at church and go out of his way. But not for us. Dad was an entirely different person to them and I always wanted to BE them so he would treat me THAT way.

Those were just a few of the stories I could fill this blog with.

But I’m not bitter or angry anymore. No really. I’m not.

But what it did establish in me was the decision that no one was going to help me or do anything for me without wanting something in return. I watched as Mom went without and Dad didn’t – I made a decision that men in my life are always going to be that way – selfish.
But not FH! He has faithfully been a vessel of healing and truth to me when I still hear the voice of Dad yelling “I will not help you!” FH comes along side of me, silences the voice of the Accuser and speaks words of truth.

I feel so loved – valuable and precious. Not because of any gifts that were purchased. But because FH spent the entire day spoiling me– even deciding to have a good time buying purses. I’m convinced that when we choose to be vessels of blessing, that we are unable to truly grasp the depth of what God’s accomplishing in that single act of mercy.

It’s an orange purse. And to me, it represents so much!